THE SEASONS ARE CHANGING

I guess we never really appreciate the good stuff until it's gone, eh? Nothing gold can stay.. except for Ponyboy.

Exactly one year ago to the day, I woke up alone on my 20th birthday across the globe where I didn't know anyone or anything. What the heck did I just get myself into? I left for Australia when I was 19 and arrived when I was 20. This past year has been a whirlwind of an adventure in the best way possible.

Today, I woke up on my 21st birthday straight off the plane and back to my hometown. 365 days later. Oh, how the seasons have changed! Literally and figuratively.

I've said it once, and I'll say it again: Change is a symptom of GROWTH

Just like the four seasons of the year - Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall, our lives have seasons too whether we like it, notice it, or acknowledge it at all. I'm really good at reflecting and feeling all the feels when I look back at old times.. almost to a fault.

Like the time when my brother would practice his stick handling in the basement, while my sister and I would crawl around and try to trap the ball with pillows. We would get rug burn on our knees, but laughed and loved every second of it.

Or the time when I would walk home from elementary school through the secret pathway with my neighbours, play Bloxorz on their family computer and pet their guinea pigs before being called home for dinner and soccer practice.

Or when my siblings, cousins and I would split up into an older vs. younger group and spend our summer days making music videos in secrecy to have a grand reveal at the end of the week. Our grandparents would judge our poor editing and lip syncing skills and say "You're all winners in the end." Those were the days!

Now, I miss my siblings more than ever as we're all grown up, doing our own thing so it's a privilege and a TIME when we're back together. I have no idea where that neighbourhood family ended up.. or their guinea pigs. It's a rare occasion when all of my cousins are in one place at one time.

We are never really aware that we're "in" these seasons until we're out of them and then realize we can never relive them. Yet unlike Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall, these seasons of life only happen once in our lives. Even the boring, do-nothing days make up a season we will never get back.

I never thought I would miss waking up at 5.00am for hockey practice in the dead of winter, showering, eating breakfast and catching the bus to school on time. Then girls at school would ask me if my hair was greasy. Rude - I just showered. I wish I didn't complain when my alarm went off those mornings because little did I know, one of those practices would be the last one forever. Nothing lasts forever.

This past season - the Australia season - is probably my biggest one to date. I've barely returned home and already miss it. And you know those moments that you realize you're going to miss as you're living them? That was everyday. It was a dream. Of course, some days were better than others and I wouldn't like to relive the stressful, harder days but those days made the good days better. My 20th year wasn't so bad..

My last week in Melbourne consisted of closing my bank account, filing my taxes, terminating my phone plan, donating clothes.. all that fun life stuff. I was sad to say goodbye to my workplace, and I slowly spent time with all my friends for a final send-off. I went to my favourite cafes for the last time, sat in my trusty, quiet parks and said thank you to the city that treated me so well. I thought by the end of a year, I would be ready to go home again. But I dreaded it. I was content and happy, so why would I leave such a good thing behind? Ah yes, visas.

This may be too much information, but leading up to the big move back home, I was throwing up constantly and I couldn't figure out why. I wasn't eating dairy?! Then, with a quick phone call to mom - I realized it was anxiety filled with nervousness and uncertainty about what's coming next. The next season of life.

This season has ended. They always do.

Here’s my reflection on the day I arrived in Melbourne

Here’s my shadow on a beach

Here’s me at the Sydney Opera House

Here’s me giving a talk at my host university

Here’s me very happy to be travelling

Here’s a photo of me taking a photo

Here’s me walking a dog

Here’s me at the Australian Open

Here’s me sandboarding

Here’s me getting blown away at the top of a mountain

Here’s me on my last day in Melbourne

Here’s me trying not to fall to my death

Here’s me

Here we are. The next season - I've just returned home and a fresh 21-year old. I'm trying to be aware of this season.. sit in it, appreciate it and never take it for granted. Because as soon as this one ends, there's probably another one just as good waiting for me. C'est la vie! It's happening, moving, evolving and continuously changing. I could write a list about the things I’ll miss about my life in Australia, like all the slang I sound like a noob trying to use, or relying on the birds as my alarm clock, or surfing on weekends.. but I’ve left now and the only thing to do is to keep going.

Going home with my single suitcase I lived out of for a year (I'm so tired of my wardrobe), salty eyebrows (the ocean's salt water always got stuck in my eyebrows) and a heart full of gratitude (I am so grateful).

21 sounds old. I feel like I'm all grown up now. I don't know where to call home anymore, and that's something I've struggled with since I first moved away when I had just turned 18. All my stuff is everywhere and my living situation is in constant flux. But there's something about coming home and being a kid again - when you genuinely believe you'll be a kid forever. I was a kid, still am my parent's kid, and will never stop being a kid - stuffing myself full of what the world has to give and yet still hungry for life and adventure. I hope I never lose that sense of wonder.

I hope to always keep telling myself, Ya done good, kid.

Not only did Australia give me permanent freckles, insane flyaway hairs from the dry heat, and a few too many linen clothes.. it gave me everything I've ever wanted and things I didn't know I needed. Melbourne will always be a home away from home to me.

Unfortunately I didn't come back with an accent.

And at least I no longer have to do math to calculate the time change every time I want to call someone from home.. I never liked math.

That's a wrap! Thank you, Oz. I'll be back soon xx