I'M GOING DOWN UNDER

It’s two days away from my 20th birthday. This morning I woke up with a pit in my stomach and excitement in my eyes. 

It’s Wednesday July 4th and I’m sitting in the Vancouver airport waiting to board a 16-hour flight to Melbourne, Australia. I’ve never been to Vancouver. I’ve never been to Australia and I’ve certainly never been stuck in one place for 16 hours… so there’s a first time for everything (like how I'm about to overdose on Gravol so I don’t go insane). 

I’ll arrive in Melbourne on my 20th birthday Friday July 6th sooo0 I’m pretty much a time traveller now. 

Almost three years ago I moved from my little hometown of Guelph, Ontario to the big and foreign city of Montreal, Quebec where I didn’t know anyone or what I was getting to myself into. I’ve never visited Montreal before I decided to move there to study at Concordia University for the next 4 years of my life. Some people called me crazy, but I look back now at that leap of faith and regard it as the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. 

I love Montreal. I love studying something I’m truly passionate about. I love my friends. I love living with my best friend in our own apartment. I love my family supporting me back home. I love creating this new life for myself. I have so much to be thankful for. 

But throughout my second semester of my second year university, I felt off. A feeling I’ve never felt before.. almost like unfulfilled. I was unmotivated and got down on myself. Is a pre-quarter life crisis a thing? 

Recently, I have caught myself with a bad case of destination addiction: the idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job, the next partner, and so on. However I soon realized that until I give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where I am right now. 

& I’ve always been a person that thrives from change. I’m a firm believer that the only way I will grow as a person is stepping outside of my comfort zone. So I knew something had to change! Why not move to the other side of the world and have a fresh start? Australia was never my “dream destination” whenever I filled out a personality test. Then when I was filling out my application to go, I thought, why the heck not! Australia seems cool! And that was that. I wish I had a better explanation why I’m going... yet here we are. 

Again, going by myself where I don’t know anyone and I have no idea what I’m getting myself into. Yet there’s something deep down inside me telling me that I need this - that this is what I’m meant to do. 

Before leaving for Australia, I got questions from friends, family, coworkers and strangers like, “You’re going for a year, won’t you miss home?” or “You don’t know anyone there, aren’t you scared?” Of course I’ll miss my friends and family back home and of course there’s a little bit of nerves in the back of my head.. but my answer was always a firm No. I’ve never been so sure of something, actually. 

And never for a second have I ever second-guessed my intuition.

The people who know me, know that I cannot sit still. I started running before I could walk. I outgrew every jungle-gym and play place within a few hours after getting bored with every obstacle. I scaled my kitchen walls and every door frame in the house. I jumped from couches down flights of stairs and ran back up the banister. My parents put me in every single activity possible, where I could expend all this uncontainable energy. I broke a few bones and have had too many stitches to count. I never stopped moving. I don’t know how my parents put up with me. 

Nowadays, whether it be in a 3-hour lecture with a bad case of shaky-leg syndrome… or in life, where I can’t be in the same place for more than a few months at a time without feeling a little bit of cabin fever. I gotta gooooooooo! 

My goal was to survive this next year of my life through one suitcase and a backpack for the plane. Today I packed one suitcase that was inevitably overweight, so now this 5’2” dweeb has two suitcases and a backpack for the plane. I said goodbye to my brother Alex in Guelph because a doctor’s appointment is more important than waving me off in the airport.. I GET ITTTTT. Not mad at all. (I kid). 

My dad drove as my mom rode shotgun. I sat in the middle of my sister AJ and my best friend Em. We got to Toronto, checked my two unanticipated suitcases and then sat in a lounge for awhile because my over-prepared father insisted we get to the airport 5 years before my flight time! (Love ya dude, I’ve never been late for anything). 

Anyway… the time finally came to depart. I told myself I wasn’t gonna cry. I’m too excited for this. I’ve been waiting so long for this! I hadn’t even hugged anyone goodbye yet and my eyes just started leaking. It wasn’t my fault okay. My sister and I did our secret handshake one last time, my mom whispered mom-encouraging things to me, my dad’s eyes glossed over and I LOST IT. Seeing my dad cry was possibly the most heartbreaking thing ever. Please don’t do it again. Then Em gave me her necklace that she wears everyday. I love all the deep-sappy-sentimental stuff but this was too much.

I went through the gates of security, turning around to wave goodbye to everyone every 2 seconds behind me. Before I knew it, I was standing at the top of the escalator with herds of travelling people beneath me and I was on my own. Straight out of a movie.. passport in hand, a stuffed backpack weighing me down, a sweater tied around my waist and I took a deep breath. Such a mom. 

5 hours to Vancouver done. That wasn’t so bad. Almost there. Not really. 

I think I’ve come to the conclusion that the rest of my life will be full of adventure. I’m so dang stoked and this one hasn’t even begun yet. Existing in this world makes me excited to be alive. Sometimes my intuition and I have trust issues, but I won’t stop reminding myself, “You’ll never regret the things you did.. but you’ll always regret the things you didn’t do.” 

It’s two days away from my 20th birthday. This morning I woke up with a pit in my stomach and excitement in my eyes. Tonight I feel like I’m dreaming with my eyes open. It’s really happening. 

See you soon, Australia. I hope I come back with an accent